Okay, this may be way too honest...
I've been pretty down on myself lately. For not doing enough...not being enough...not being successful in this old writing business. I haven't felt like blogging or tweeting or any of the hoohaw I usually love to do. I just feel blah. I know publishing is a super tough business. Yes. I. Know.
I've had a number of people tell me that you won't succeed unless you believe in yourself. Well, I must believe in my writing because I let people look at it. (Yes, this is a big step from the way I used to be when I did not believe in my writing!) It helps that I've had interest from major publishers and yeah, I've sold a book. I know that my writing doesn't suck. But right at this moment it feels like its not enough. I want something new. Something amazing to happen. Like selling another book. It's a vicious circle this writing thing!
I'm not all that impatient. I'm pretty skilled at this waiting game. Lately though, while I'm waiting I'm wondering...will anything ever be good enough? I feel like it is, but maybe that's just me being silly. (I do tend to get quite silly so this is a real possibility.) Anyhow, my belief? Meh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that I've had the successes I have had. I've tried quitting writing before and believe me, that's never going to happen. I guess I just wonder sometimes if I should be trying harder. Or maybe I'm trying too hard? I don't know. I have lots of manuscripts. Lots of works in progress. Way too many ideas. And there's always opportunities. I think I just need to avoid the thinking about whether or not I'm going to succeed in a material sense.
I don't think the way I feel is all that unusual. As creators we're the ones that have to believe in our work first, even when no one else knows about it. (Or when they do and keep asking when our next book is going to be out.) It's easy for a while. But to keep it up for months... years... there's bound to be those times we wonder if what we write is good enough.
There is more to writing than publishing. Being excited about a story. Enjoying the process. Loving the writing community. Loving that my kids like to hear my stories, and write with me. Those are the things that fill me with hope and make me succeed, whether I sell a book or not.