Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Another New Diet

My mother-in-law is on a new diet every time we see her. She’s done the all meat diet, the raw food diet, and numerous other diets, most with strange names I can’t remember because, of course, I don’t pay attention. And it isn’t for her lack of trying to educate me on her latest brilliant discovery. Each diet is a life altering transformation for her. She has to get new foods, new gadgets to prepare the food, and practically create a new lifestyle for herself that revolves around her fabulous new diet.

Fortunately for us she has made a break through and found the best diet yet. No, I think it’s the best diet ever. There's no topping this one—she can eat anything, as long as it doesn’t have a face or a mother. Yes, that is the diet.

So now I’m trying to come up with some good questions for Thanksgiving when we see her. Potatoes have eyes. Can she eat them? Technically, do vegetables have mothers? Dh says no, but I’m not quite convinced. He says that mothers have to take care of their young—so can she eat orphans? Oh wait, only if they don’t have a face. Faceless orphans would be okay then. I can see myself spitting my mashed potatoes across the table over this one. It’s gonna be fun.

7 comments:

  1. It is totally true. I didn't make it up. Welcome to the weirdness of my life--wait, you've already been introduced.

    ReplyDelete
  2. She had to put on Veggie Tales for the kids. Oh my god. I could barely contain myself. It didn't help that my little one kept asking, "why do they have faces?"

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! OMG! Your little one is a genius!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha! I like "The bunny, the bunny, OH I ate the bunny . . ."

    ReplyDelete
  5. I got as far as the orphan debate when I spit chamomile tea all over my monitor. You crack me up.

    My wackiest diet was the "9" diet...remember that one? Probably not. Day 1--nine hard boiled eggs; Day 2--nine totally naked frankfurters (i.e., no buns, mustard, etc...); Day 3--nine hard boiled eggs. Then repeat the cycle. You lose weight. You puke, but you lose weight.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Terry! That is totally disgusting!!! I'd rather just stick my finger down my throat and get it over with. Ugh! Frankfurters and hard boiled eggs are two things I cannot eat much of.

    ReplyDelete